Today was the first of the workshops, and I bet you're assuming that it didn't go well. In fact, it was fantastic. I really enjoyed engaging with intelligent and like-minded people. While I feel that I am learning a lot from the critiques of my peers and the comments of the instructors I also feel somewhat under-prepared. I feel that there was a level of expectation from other that I have no way of meeting because it comes from an age-related source. Or maybe it's just in my head and I'm psyching myself out. I did give myself a pat on the back for noticing/commenting on some aspects of the workshop pieces that the faculty and grad students, people with more knowledge than I, did as well. I just left the workshop feeling like my head was spinning and the walls were closing in. I can't possibly belong here. These people are published. They have life experiences and knowledges that I could never know or experience. And yet on the first night here Melissa told us that we are all meant to be here, that there was no mistake no matter what we may think.
April Lurie's lecture was delivered right after workshop. She was also one of my workshop leaders. In her lecture she read a picture book aloud, Incredible Me! by Kathi Appelt, another fantastic faculty member. The book really struck a chord with me, as well as April's lecture. It was all about the emotional experience of writing, as well as her own self confidence. How perfect?! There was no way that she could have known how much I was reeling from workshop, and yet the stars aligned and I felt right to just be sitting there, listening and learning and living this life. It just might work out in the end.
Please don't think that I'm complaining about being here. This is everything I've ever wanted and it was love at first sight. The campus is gorgeous. I've learned more in two days than I have in four years of college. More importantly, the library here is the greatest library I've ever been in. There are more books in this tiny building than there probably are in my library. Brian, if you're reading this, I cannot WAIT to show you the capabilities of this library. Global book sharing, six month loan periods, no late fees, and the WEBSITE. I could go on for days. Maybe I should have gone to school to be a librarian.
It's the second day of residency. I am exhausted. I am so overwhelmed. I have never been so painfully aware of my age and inexperience. Honestly, I feel that I am looked down on for my age. It was actually mentioned that I write for teenagers "because I pretty much still am one." I laughed in response because, really, what do you say back to that? I didn't want to say anything about how that stung, but whatever, it's done now. She didn't know that I'm insecure about how young I am. Maybe it's a good thing that I write for teenagers so that I can really know how to connect to them. If we're like minded it should be easier, right? Small blessings.
1 Comment
brian binkley
12/1/2014 10:42:58 am
Doing Great Lexi! Don't worry. Even if you don't know it, this is a learning experience. If you already knew it, it wouldn't be worth your while going there.
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AlexisMaster of Fine Arts from Vermont College of Fine Arts, Rowan University alumna, sister of Theta Phi Alpha, and future YA author extraordinaire. Archives
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